Creating A Calm After-School Routine

It’s a tale as old as time: you touch base with your child’s teacher and hear that they had an amazing day. You greet them as they come in the door with a smile, expecting an excited recap of the day. Instead, you’re met with indifference, irritability, or tears. Sometimes these negative feelings avalanche straight into a post-school meltdown that catches you off guard. These experiences can feel confusing, concerning, and frustrating to parents. Remember that your child has spent their day facing multiple challenges despite their mounting stress. After spending all day in these uncomfortable circumstances, their emotions release when they feel safe - as soon as they find themselves home. 

This is much more common than parents often understand, although that knowledge does nothing to ease the discomfort of seeing your child in distress. Creating an after-school routine that promotes safety and comfort can be just what your child needs to unwind after a trying day. Once they have a chance to reset, they can transition into a calmer evening. 

The Need For Recovery Time

When you think about all of the things that school demands out of a child it’s not difficult to see how just making it through the day could be exhausting. A child with autism may find it even more exhausting than others. All day, they are facing excessive sensory input, frequent transitions, unclear expectations, and new information. By the time they get home, they may feel emotionally exhausted and socially fatigued. They have spent the day with guards up, ready to let them fall when they feel it's safe to do so. It’s reasonable to worry that this is a reflection of how their day felt, but a rough afternoon doesn’t necessarily mean a bad day. It just means that after a day directing their energy in so many different directions, they may just need a breather. 

Pause Before Questioning

When you haven’t seen your child in several hours, it’s normal to have questions. However, jumping straight into questions right after they leave school can add to their overwhelm. Instead of immediately asking how their day was or what they did at school, simply let them settle in at home. Some quiet time may be needed before your child is ready to chat about their day. Let them settle first, and try connecting in other ways. Find a quiet activity they enjoy to do with them, opening the doors for more natural conversation at their own pace. 

Start With The Basics

When figuring out the perfect after school routine, start with the basics. Even adults get grumpy when they come home after a long day. Hunger, exhaustion, discomfort - all can become magnified once the day is done and you have the chance to assess and feel the remnants of the day. How great would it be to come home from work, slip into your favorite sweats and grab a snack to decompress? Apply that same logic to your child after hours away at school. Consider starting their after school routine with a trip to the restroom, a favorite snack, some water, and a change into their comfiest clothes. Immediately, their basic needs are being met which can help regulate their nervous system. 

Prioritize Predictability

Consistency matters. Creating a predictable decompression routine allows your child the expectation of a calming activity waiting for them. The specific activity matters less than the consistency of the routine. Simple activities are easier to maintain over time, and can become an important part of their evening routine. Consider things like reading, sensory play, drawing, puzzles, coloring, or outdoor play. Talk with your child to decide together what kind of activity would be best suited to them. 

Don’t Overschedule

Many things can contribute to an overly packed schedule. Medical appointments, therapies, sports, homework, and extracurricular activities can quickly take over if you let them. While much of this is necessary, be conscious of not filling the calendar with too many things. Not every day needs to appear productive. Sometimes, rest is the most productive thing you can offer. 

First Connection, Then Correction

It’s inevitable that sometimes struggles will infiltrate the evening hours. They have homework they struggle with or a difficult conversation may be needed about behavioral issues. These are things that need attention, but they don’t always need to be addressed first. Connecting with your child before these situations can help make them easier to navigate. Quietly watching a show or playing a game together can build connections while helping your child stay regulated. That feeling of safety and support will help your child feel better about embarking on a challenge. 

Celebrate All Wins

Finding success at school doesn’t revolve solely around grades or athletics. The best way to measure a successful school day is to align that scale with your child’s own goals. For them, a win may look like asking a teacher for help or trying something new. These signs of progress should always be celebrated, no matter how big or small. Be specific when celebrating these moments so your child understands exactly what they did well.

How ABA Therapy Can Help At Home

Home shouldn’t feel like another place your child feels the need to perform. A predictable after-school routine can provide the calm needed to shake off the pressure of the day and transition into a happy evening. A consistent routine can make a huge difference, but there are also other ways to build skills that will help your child both at school and at home. ABA therapy at Bloom Behavioral Healthcare provides individualized support that helps both children and families build skills that make everyday life easier to navigate. Goals revolve around learning emotional regulation, developing better coping skills, and improving confidence. When therapy, school, and home goals and strategies align, your child has a better chance of building these things in the way that works best for them. 

For more information on how Bloom Behavioral Healthcare can work with your family, please contact us today.