Helping Your Child When They Feel Different

There is a high probability that someday your child may recognize that they experience the world in a different way than many of their peers. They may notice that they struggle with certain things that seem easy to others, communicate in a different way, don’t understand social dynamics, or have wildly different interests. While every child is unique, most understand the similarities between themselves and others in their age group. Children with autism may eventually come to recognize that they experience the world differently than their peers, and that understanding can bring up some strong, complicated feelings. 

As a parent, this can be a heartbreaking revelation. Hearing your child ask why they are different, wish to be more like their peers, or feel left out is hard. The way you handle those feelings though can help them understand themselves a little better though. While you can’t take those feelings away completely, you can certainly help them see themselves in a different light. With your support, your child can build their confidence and understanding of themselves. 

Listen and Notice

At some point, you will probably start to notice when your child starts to compare themselves to others. A certain amount of comparison is inevitable at any point in life, a normal part of the human experience. Not every comment requires an immediate correction - sometimes your child just needs to talk to put their thoughts out there. Pay attention to when those comments become frequent or change direction. They may start to notice differences socially, academically, athletically, or even based on interests. Let them know that everyone has their own unique ways of existing, including how their brain experiences the world. That doesn’t determine anything about their self-worth.

Validate without Reinforcing

Parental instinct may encourage you to deny your child’s claims or dismiss their concerns. Their feelings should always be addressed, but in a way that doesn’t reinforce negative beliefs. For example, if your child asks why they are different, you might feel compelled to tell them they are not. But that’s not entirely the truth. This isn’t a bad thing, it’s simply a fact of life. By denying their statement, you’re dismissing their concern and painting the observation in a negative light. You can validate their feelings without dismissing what they see. Instead of saying “you’re not different,” try ‘I understand why that feels hard.” In this example, the response is letting them know you understand how it’s making them feel, and that it’s okay to feel that way. 

Show Their Strengths

Many of the differences a child notices revolve around their challenges. Those concerns can be acknowledged while also reminding your child of their strengths. The challenges still exist, but don’t make up every part of who your child is. Whether they have a special talent, a quirky personality trait, endless determination, or an intriguing special interest, your child has their own unique set of strengths. Remind them frequently and specifically about those strengths so they learn to recognize them in themselves. 

Find Their Place

Every child blooms when planted in the correct environment. School is filled with social opportunities, but they may not be the right social opportunities for your child. If school socialization is a struggle, search your local area for a club or organization that your child would feel comfortable in. Find a club suited around their hobbies or an organization that hosts events. Seek out other families in your area that can relate and develop an ongoing social outline that works for what your child needs. There are plenty of opportunities out there for your child to engage in their interests and interact with like-minded individuals. It’s there they may truly find the sense of belonging they’ve been looking for. 

Measures of Success

Parents can fall into the comparison trap just as easily as a growing child. Maybe you think about the boy down the street who has been riding his bicycle for years, or the girl in your child’s class who can tie her shoes and wonder if your child is behind. Every child develops on their own timeline and under their own unique circumstances. Each one is on their own timeline with their own sets of circumstances. Children will develop on their own timeline in ways that look differently. One child may be surrounded by tons of friends, and another may only have one or two meaningful friendships. Both situations are great and have no reason to be compared. 

Succeed as Self

When a child feels different, often they’ll want to try to change themselves to lessen the divide they feel with their peers. Masking is a common occurrence in children with autism, where they essentially force themselves to meet what they observe to be social normals. To fit in better, they may laugh at jokes they find unfunny, force eye contact that makes them squirm, or smile when they’re truly upset. That level of pretend can be exhausting, and often children don’t even realize that’s what they are doing.

 Let your child know that they do not ever have to hide who they are. 

Living their life authentically will make it easier to stay emotionally regulated and allow them to only form connections that align with their true selves. 

Grow their Confidence

Confidence is the greatest weapon against self-doubt, so it’s safe to say that building confidence should be a top priority for any caregiver of an autistic child.Praise can be encouraging, but lasting confidence often comes from experiencing success and seeing growth firsthand. Words feel nice in the moment, but don’t provide the concrete evidence needed to cement that feeling. Accepting their challenges and working toward goals at their own pace is the best way to gain confidence. These moments may include learning a new skill, working through a problem, or accomplishing a goal. Their belief in themselves will grow more as they see themselves succeed, and that confidence will propel them forward even further, allowing them to accept and appreciate the person they are - exactly as they are. 

Plant The Seeds of Confidence with ABA Therapy

Parents wish to hide their child from every uncomfortable feeling, but it’s not always so easy. Instead of trying to shield them, help them become the shield. Building confidence can help a child recognize their strengths and discover what they love about themselves. While comparison may come easy at first, your child may not always feel different from others. They may find people in their life who appreciate their strengths, share their interests, or simply accept them as they are. To help pave the path toward that day, the best thing you can do for your child is to continue to remind them that being different does not change their value as a person. 

Building confidence takes time, and ABA therapy can help lead your child in that direction. Bloom Behavioral Healthcare provides individualized support that helps your child build social skills, advocate for themselves, communicate more effectively, and regulate their emotions. With customized goals, they can see their own progress in real time as we work together. Each goal reached plants a new seed of confidence that will bloom as time goes on. This confidence will help them accept and embrace their differences instead of doubting them.

If you’d like to talk more about how Bloom can help support your child’s confidence, contact us today.